Thoughts on Meditation
by Jon Totten
Redside Friends,
Adopting a daily meditation practice has had an immeasurable impact on my life.
I’ve been interested in meditation for many years, but never had the motivation to try it. Everything I read, watched and listened to led me to believe that meditation would undoubtedly improve my life. Unfortunately, I never had the guts to give it a go. In fact, every time I considered it, I would immediately become lost in a sea of thoughts, “I can’t calm down” “How do you stay awake?” “How do you stop thinking” “There’s no way I can sit with my legs crossed like that.” So I never tried. Until I did. Until I had to.
In October 2019 I checked myself into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in Denver, Colorado. I had lost control. I was, and still am, an addict. This is a long story that I’m happy to share, but not today. Today, I’ll focus on the miracle of meditation.
I learned to meditate in rehab. The program I participated in utilized multiple approaches including group and individual therapy, 12-step programs, spirituality, physical fitness, wilderness therapy, art therapy, nutrition, neuroscience, and of course, meditation. While each approach had its merit, none compared to the healing effect of meditation.
Before I describe my practice, I feel it’s necessary for me to proclaim that I am not a master of meditation, a meditation instructor, or bodhisattva; although my round features and general mood are becoming more and more buddha like by the day…
So here’s what I do. While I’ve meditated at all times of day or night, I prefer to practice first thing in the morning. I begin by warming up my body. I like yoga, so I do 5 sun salutations before I sit. These movements get my blood moving and tend to tune me into myself. Next, I find a comfortable, private spot to sit. If I’m on the river, I walk up or downstream a bit. If I’m on my sailboat, I sit up at the bow. If I’m at home in my trailer, I just sit on the floor. I like to sit with my legs crossed and my ass propped up 5 or 6 inches on a cushion of some type, but I often have to sit in a chair due to physical pain from the new and old injuries that go with the territory. I really don’t think it matters where or when or how you sit. If you commit to the practice, you’ll figure out what works for you.
I begin with a series of deep breaths. I don’t count them. I simply breathe in my nose and out my mouth until all I am focused on is my breath. Then I just sit there, making every effort to rest in awareness, until my timer alarm sounds. Upon hearing the alarm, I finish my practice with four intentionally deep breaths. I focus the first three exhales on sending positive energy to specific people. It could be a friend or family member, a mere acquaintance, or a complete stranger. I don’t overthink it. I just let the faces appear in my head and send them some love as I exhale. This technique is my interpretation of what’s called Metta or Loving Kindness practice. I don’t know much about it beyond the fact that it feels amazing. My fourth and final exhale is for me. I like to let out a big fat OM from the bottom of my stomach. This breath reminds me to love myself. Then I open my eyes and go kick ass, or at least try to. I currently sit for 10-15 minutes a day.
So what does it mean to rest in awareness? To be honest, I’m not really sure. All I’m doing is focusing my attention on the present moment. I like to cycle through my senses and simply notice what I smell, hear, feel, and see, which isn’t much as I generally practice with my eyes closed. The mission is to not get lost in thought. Not to rehash things that already happened or anticipate things that might happen. Inevitably, meaning 100% of the time, these thoughts do appear. I can’t stop them; so I don’t even try. What I can do, or more accurately, what I’m learning to do, is not get caught up in them. This is really the key to resting in awareness. When a thought appears, instead of trying to ignore it, I focus on it directly, the same way I focus on the tickle in my left nostril or the shooting pain in my right knee. I can’t wish away the thoughts any more than I can wish away the tickles or pain. What I can do is notice the thought, acknowledge it, and return to my breath. More often than not, the thought, tickle, or pain disappears as soon as I notice it and choose not to engage it. And that, my friends, is the real grace of meditation.
Meditation is not the absence of thought. It’s the practice of noticing the thought and choosing not to pay attention to it. And our attention, according to Sam Harris, is the “cash value” of our time.
My daily practice, as with my life in general, has its good days and bad days. Strikes and gutters, Dude. All I can do is keep practicing. Meditation is an exercise for me. If you did 25 pushups every day for six months, do you think you’d notice a result? Likely. What would happen if you chose to rest in awareness for 10 minutes a day for a year? I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you in a couple of months.
Here are some resources that helped me get started:
Books: both less than $10 on Amazon
- The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
- The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield
Apps:
- Insight Timer – Tons of resources here. I use the guided meditations and music when I’m struggling to quiet my mind.
- Waking Up with Sam Harris – Sam’s introductory course is worth your time. It helped me immensely.
People:
- Reach out to me directly or via the Redside Foundation. I seriously love talking about mindfulness and addiction recovery.
I’ll leave you with a line from one of my favorite movies. “You know how to get to Carnegie Hall don’t ya?.... Practice.” Post the name of the film in the comments below for a free hug.
Stay Focused,
JT
photo credit: @terrybrinton